Motivation to Change

Motivation to change is very important to change. You will never change if you are only half-hearted about it. I have spent a lot of the last 8 years or so being half-hearted about changing from being homosexual to heterosexual. Although, I rationally believed that I was not born gay, and that since it had developed it could certainly be reversed, I nevertheless would go from pursuing change to giving up in the space of a week. I let myself sustain this monotonous cycle, that in itself reinforced my fear that I may never change. I want you to grasp the importance of this - I talked a good talk about change, but only lived it about 50% of the time! A lot of men I know who struggle with unwanted homosexuality do the same, or just give up on change altogether even though it is a deep desire in their hearts. To that I say (quoting Richard Cohen) "Never give up. Do not worry about what anyone says or thinks. Focus on your dream."

So, how do you get that motivation? You need to get 'leverage' on yourself. Tony Robbins, the life coach/ life mastery guru, helped me with this one. Last year I started listening to his tapes, both "Get the Edge" and "Personal Power". He is a very charismatic man and he is determined to enable people to enact change in their lives, and create an "extraordinary life". When you get past the what some-may-think "American" cheese, you'll realise he has a lot to offer. His energy, enthusiasm and belief in itself can help you! I went through the following process that he suggests for getting leverage on yourself to do anything, discussing it with a good friend:

I wrote down (very important) the following:
1. All the pain that I will experience in my life over the next 20 years if I don't change from homosexual to heterosexual.
2. All the pleasure that I will gain in my life over the next 20 years if I do change from homosexual to heterosexual.

These two questions help you to face the reality of the issue for you. Often we avoid it and minimise it in our heads from day to day. This process of writing it down clears it up, and also allows your conscious mind to send a message to your subconscious mind about the implications of life as it is now. Then I wrote down:

3. The beliefs/ uncertainties that are keeping me from pursuing change whole-heartedly.
4. The counter-beliefs to those in 3 above, that will in themselves motivate me to change.

(I will share these beliefs in 3 and 4 in a later post)

I spent a lot of time on this process, say 3-4 hours at the first go - my friend helped to pull me through, especially in terms of searching deep to challenge the beliefs in 3. This time got it clear for me.

I have used the beliefs I wrote down in 4 as "incantations" (as Tony calls them). These are affirmations that you say with as much emotion and intensity as you can muster (this grounds them in the subconscious). I say these 6 beliefs every morning at least 5 times each. This helps to remind me of the certainty I gained in the 3-4 hours I spent that night, and it helps to pull that certainty into my day. That night started my "whole-hearted" pursuit for change. Don't fool yourself any longer that it will "just happen" in its own time. You need to believe you can change. Get leverage on yourself. Do it today even. Take action - you deserve your deepest dreams.